NICKNAMES

If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.

If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A  man would not be able to identify most of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Read on…

A little boy goes to his father and asks “Daddy, how was I born?”

The father answers, “Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!  Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.  Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.  We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.  As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a fire wall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: You got male!”

(Thank you Amanda for the email)

Finally, the guys’ side of the story.  We always hear “the rules” from the females’ side.  It’s funny coz I find a lot of them pretty reasonable, and I’m a woman.
 
Now here are the rules from the male side:

These are our rules!  Please note.. these are all numbered “1 ” ON PURPOSE! 
 
1.  Men are NOT mind readers.

1.  Learn to work the toilet seat.  You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.  We need it up, you need it down.  You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1.  Sunday sports It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides.  Let it be.

1.  Crying is blackmail.

1.  Ask for what you want.  Let us be clear on this one:  Subtle hints do not work!  Strong hints do not work!  Obvious hints do not work!  Just say it!

1.  Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Read on…

One evening a husband thought he was being funny and said to his wife “Maybe we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast.  It would probably take a few inches off your butt”!! 

His wife was not amused.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 

“What the Hell is this?” he said to himself . “April,” he hollered into the bathroom, “Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?”

She replied with a snicker…”It’s not talcum powder…….It’s ‘Miracle Grow’.”

(Thank you Amanda for the email)

It definitely is the best tattoo of the year.  It is humorous which makes people think the owner of the head has a great sense of humor… or maybe a victim of a prank?  It definitely is a great conversation starter or something to break the ice.  Would you dare get a tattoo like it?

(Thank you Amanda for the email)

This is just too cute and funny to ignore.  The guys may not find it cute nor funny though.  I did give John a white piggy bank before and tied a hot pink ribbon around it .  He hates pink.  Maybe when that time comes when we’re ready to take the next step, I’ll give him this as an upgrade to the previous piggy bank.

Click on image to shop

Animator vs. Animation by *alanbecker on deviantART

(Thank you Amanda for the email)

Women:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.

2. Drink a cup of coffee.

3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money Spent:
$20.00 Oil Change
$1.00 Coffee
—————-
$21.00 Total

Read on…

What a woman says:
This place is a mess! C’mon!
You and I need to clean up!
Your stuff is lying on the floor and
you’ll have no clothes to wear if we
don’t do laundry right now!

What a man hears:
blah,blah,blah,blah, C’MON
blah,blah,blah,blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah,blah,blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah,blah,blah,blah, NO CLOTHES
blah,blah,blah,blah, RIGHT NOW