Men and women on going out

Read on…

George Bush, First Lady Laura and Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One. George looked at Laura, chuckles and said, “You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.”

Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, “I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy.”

Cheney added, “That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy.”

Hearing the exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said, “Sh*t I could throw all of your asses out of the window and make 56 million people very happy.”

Thank you Judhy for the email.

I will seek and find you.
I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.
I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.
I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.
I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I’m finished with you.
And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

All my love,
The Flu

Thank you Sara for the email

Tina Fey as Sarah Palin and Amy Poehler as Hillary Clinton

(Thank you Amanda for the photos)

(Thank you Amanda for the email)

WARNING: This joke is not kid-friendly. If you are over 18, click “Read on…” to read the full joke.

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen; Aleve is also called Naproxen; Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin.

Read on…

A lonely spinster, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

“HUSBAND WANTED, MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70’s), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.”

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs. The woman said, “You’re not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you….you have no legs!”

The old man smiled, “Therefore I cannot run around on you!”

She snorted. “You don’t have any hands either!”

Again the old man smiled, “Nor can I beat you!”

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. “Are you still good in bed?”

With that, the old gentleman beamed a broad smile and said, “I rang the doorbell didn’t I?”

(Thank you Sara)

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my brother who is four years older than I am. I was maybe one and a half years old and had just recovered from an accident in which my arm had been broken among other injuries.

Someone had given me a little ‘tea set’ as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a little cup of ‘tea’, which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was ‘just the cutest thing!!’ My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then says, ‘Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet??’

(Thank you Sara for the email)